When tears betray...
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| Location: Chamerey Gufa, Budhabare, Dhankuta Photographer: Sajan Shrestha |
Be it a function or an interview, it had never taken me more than a couple of minutes to get dressed, but that day I was astonished by myself. Somehow nothing seemed to fit. Well, that day was a soul-igniting moment for me: I got accepted to my dream university in the USA for my undergraduate degree. And in half an hour, I was going to meet Aahana, the love of my life. I wanted to share this news with her and yeah, finally confess my feeling to her.
Let me tell you how it all began. It was back in June 2012; my high school session had just started. It was just another mundane morning, and I had just gotten off the college bus. A glimpse of this girl changed my life forever. Well, when you are a teenager, many girls can catch your eye. However, this girl was something different. My heart was racing with just the sight of her. She was about five feet 6 inches tall with long, curly black hair, a small nose, a round face, and an exquisite smile, one I thought could melt a million minds. I knew it was awkward, but, I was not able to restrain my eyes from looking at her. I was jolted from my reverie by a push from behind.
"Move sleepyhead," shouted my classmate, Ravi.
The first bell of the morning class went on, and all the students made their way towards their classes, but my eyes were locked on her...on her fine curve that was embellished with a beautiful gait. I kept looking at her until she went inside her classroom.
Despite being an attentive and meticulous student, I could hardly concentrate in class that day. It was only her face that dwelt on my mind. At lunch break, I was having my lunch, still being captive of her thoughts. All of sudden, a pleasant aroma made me feel there was a girl standing behind me. It was her. She was looking for a place in our ever-pack cafeteria. I was brought up as a courteous guy by my parents, but I definitely was not a knob-head. So, I decided to make the most of the situation…make the hay on a sunny day, you know…some chivalrous strike. Hence, I stood up and offered her my seat in my best possible tone. She looked at me and our eyes met.
"No, I am fine," she said hesitantly, with the corner of her lips curving to smile.
But I insisted, and she took my seat. Silence followed for a few seconds.
"Hi, I am Aahana. Thank you for this," she broke the silence putting her hands forward.
"I am Biebek," I smiled and shook her hands. A pulse went down my body touching her hands. It was surreal. We kept talking about our interests and hobbies until the lunch break was over. That was the shortest lunch break of my school life, and trust me, even today I can vividly recall each and every word that we exchanged that day.
Our proximity got better with time. We started hanging out regularly, talked on phones for hours, and we often started visiting each other at home. My feelings for her were engraved in my heart, and I loved her more every day. She had no other close friends apart from me. She was the kind of girl who preferred reticence, but her every word was powerful. Oh yes, she was very special. She bubbled with life but at the same time, she was extremely solemn. A strange mix of contentment and longing used to radiate from her. But whenever I asked about her aspirations and dreams, shadows played hide and seek on her face.
"Why worry about the future when you do not know what is going to happen later in the day?" this used to be her answer all the time. And I used to nod in assent.
Time and again, I had given her subtle hints about my feelings for her. In response, she used to laugh and just glide the topic away to something else. It was a little before 12 midnight on 16th March that I received a call from my sister. It was my birthday on 17th March, and she wanted to be the first person to wish me. We talked for several minutes, and as soon as I ended the call, the phone started ringing again…it was Aahana. It was unbelievable…to receive a call from her at that time of the night and that too on my birthday. But as soon as I said ‘Hello’, she started bombarding me with questions…"Why was your phone busy for the last half an hour? Who are you busy with at this time of night and that too for too long?" she yelled. I could smell a tinge of jealousy and insecurity in her voice. Honestly speaking, that felt good.
A few of my chums often used to tease me for not being able to be man enough to express my feelings to Aahana.
"Real feelings are best felt unspoken and best understood in silence," I used to reply and my cheeks used to turn red.
"No one can beat you in words Romeo," my friends used to say. I didn't want to rush things.
"White shirt and black jeans, this is perfect," I told myself. Finally, after an hour I got ready, grabbed the keys to my motorbike, and rode off. It was as though I was flying. And there she was, sitting in her favorite corner of the restaurant, sipping coffee. Red top, black jeans, and black heels, she was immaculate, as always. She shone brighter than gems.
"You are late, Biebek. This is so unusual for you" she complained.
"I have something big to tell you," I said.
"I hope it’s big because I have been waiting here for ages, and this is my third cup of coffee," she added.
"Guess what! I have made it to my dream university in the US for this Fall...I.." but before I could finish my words she was there, her slender arms wrapped around me, whispering sweet nothings in my ear.
“I knew you would make it. I can’t tell you how happy I am for you. Your dream is turning into a sweet reality," she shouted, still holding me in her arms. This time she was so loud that everyone in the restaurant stared at us. But she didn't care, she never did. Neither did I at that moment, for I was in her arms; the place where I would have more than happily agreed to spend the rest of my life.
After a few seconds, I thought it was the right time for me to unbosom myself, so, I went down on my knees, opened my arms, and began, "Aahana, I have never been the same since the day I met you. I tried to deny my feelings so many times, but they would not go away. I am head over heels in love with you. Yes! Aahana I love you unconditionally. I cannot hide my feelings for you any longer, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
Her eyes got moist. She had such an expression on her face that I could not decipher despite being acquainted with her every possible mood. She stared at me for a while, wiped her eyes, and broke the silence, "I didn't expect this from you, Biebek. I thought it was a pristine friendship between us, and you are no more than a friend to me." She stood up, grabbed her bag, and walked out.
Her words were like a dagger that stabbed my heart. I went vacant, breathless, and emotionless. I was numb; I could hardly feel any parts of my body. I tried my best to avoid tears only to realize that my cheeks were already wet. I somehow stumbled out of the restaurant and rode back home. I locked myself in my room.
"I can't live without you Aahana," I cried, but there were only dumb and deaf walls to hear me.
I can't believe her words. Her eyes were the window to her heart and what I had spotted in her eyes for years cannot be just friendship, I said to myself.
But her words were clear and I was no more than a friend to her. I had no courage to go and meet her. I tried to call her multiple times, but her phone was switched off.
"She doesn't love you," said the brain.
"Her eyes cannot lie. They don't just look at you as a friend," disagreed the heart. My mind could not get over this ambivalence.
During some nights, it was her thoughts that kept me awake for hours, and I wondered if I made a mistake by telling her about my feelings. If being honest and letting the person know what you feel about her is a fault, then so be it. I am glad to make this mistake, I concluded.
In the meantime, my visa and documents were ready...forget about the meeting, there was not even a single text or call from Aahana.
After a few days, I was at Tribhuvan International Airport, surrounded by my dear ones. My parents, friends, and relatives were present to see me off but Aahana was nowhere to be seen. Within a few minutes, I flew away to a distant destination.
I was in a different world in the United States. For the first month, my hands were completely full, adapting myself to a new place and getting used to a completely new style of academic exercise. I had no contact with my parents and friends for about a month. On September 16, 2015, I logged into my Facebook account to see how things had gone in my absence.
I spotted a post from Aahana's friend.
"We mourn on this twelfth day of the untimely demise of our dearest friend Aahana, who had battled against Leukemia for years. All her friends are requested to attend the 13th-day funeral services tomorrow. May her soul rest in peace."
It was as though I was drowning in an abyss…………a fall that would never end………….. I could taste the salt on my lips but there were no tears………….. Aahana had soaked them off my heart leaving it dry and dreary.
Didn't know you have such a good pen Bibek. You were my student for only a year and now it seems I missed you dearly. And look, what a fortune ! I love to write and take snaps too. Wishing good luck for more scribbling in the days to come. Stay in touch.
ReplyDeleteSir, thank you very much. I visit your blog "Thoughts and Reflections" frequently and I have learnt a lot from you sir.
DeleteIt was tough for me to go through your hard vocabulary bro. Awesome!!!! Keep it up bro. Hope to see tons of pretty articles further.
ReplyDeleteThank you dada :)
DeleteAn excellent piece of writing..good luck for getting more of 'em coming☺☺
ReplyDeleteMuch obliged partner :)
DeleteA great piece of writing with an excellent language and vocabulary !! I guess I might get a chance to read further more stories in coming days !!
ReplyDeleteThanks yar :)
Delete"Real feelings are best felt unspoken and best understood in silence", loved this line 😊 Great writting babu ! Keep it up and seriously ur vocabulary 🙇🙇 I've kept dictionary along with me 😉😉 Keep writting ! Wanna see more and more piece of your writings very soon 😊😊
ReplyDeleteHaha didi...I am flattered :)
DeleteGood
ReplyDeleteThank you dada
Delete"Real feelings are best felt unspoken and best understood in silence" Great!! :D
ReplyDeleteKasko yaad aayo? :D
Deletedai ..u have a gift for discussing..simple yet real stories in an amusing and awestrucking way...hope to get more of thiss kind in future..
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
DeleteAmazing peice of work!.Keep it up biebek:D
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
DeleteWow that was awesome...loved the title,your word choice and the way you described things were really perfect.
ReplyDeleteHappiness is receiving praises from complete strangers. Thank you so much :)
DeleteTouch my heart brother. You aren't alone there aauxu Massachusetts chitai ramailo garnuparxa.
ReplyDelete